The New Yorker: Briefly Noted

“The Widower’s Notebook, by Jonathan Santlofer (Penguin). In this memoir, a novelist and artist contends with the sudden death of his wife. Santlofer adds new insights to the familiar genre of the grief memoir by exploring the ways in which men are expected to handle loss and sorrow. “ ‘Men do not write books about grief’ was something I heard a lot and even told myself,” he notes. Between tender recollections of his wife and attempts to return to a version of his routine, the author realizes that he has been culturally conditioned to divert his energy into pretending to be strong and moving on quickly, and he struggles to discuss his anguish openly, even with his daughter.” The New Yorker Briefly Noted READ HERE

Lit Hub: On Men and Grief: Dispatches from my Book Tour

A hand goes up from the back of the room. It is an unexpected full house in a southern bookstore where I have been invited to talk about my memoir, The Widower’s Notebook. The man, late middle age, salt and pepper hair, says, “My best buddy lost his wife a couple of months ago. I’ve been trying to get him out, inviting him to ballgames, drinks, dinner. Nothing works. Should I keep trying or leave him alone? I just… don’t… know.” His voice cracks on the last couple of words. I take a moment. I say, “Look, I’m no expert and I don’t know your friend, it may be too soon for him, but I’d say keep trying. Some of us push people away when what we really want is the opposite. Maybe men do that because we’re brought up with the idea that we’re supposed to tough things out, not ask for help, or … Read more

Vasari 21 Radio: Interview with Jonathan Santlofer

When his wife of four decades died suddenly five years ago, Jonathan Santlofer entered a landscape all of us will face sooner or later: the terrain of wrenching and heartbreaking loss. In his memoir published last month by Penguin Books, the artist-turned-novelist describes the days, months, and first few years after Joy’s death, and how he coped by keeping a diary of his interactions with a new and radically changed reality. In our interview, he talks about how the notebook kept him sane, how men and women handle grieving differently (and what the social expectations are of each sex), how friends responded to his newly solo status, and how drawing helped him preserve his memories and come to terms with his grief. His candid—and sometimes even humorous—recollections make for memorable reading and a wide-ranging conversation about love, loss, and the power of art. Listen to full podcast here

TK Podcast: Interview with Jonathan Santlofer and Alexandria Marzano-Lesnevich

The grief over the sudden death of his wife Joy compelled novelist Jonathan Santlofer to begin writing, and those scribbled thoughts and memories became his beautiful memoir, THE WIDOWER’S NOTEBOOK. He and James discuss losing the first person you want to share stories with, not letting yourself off the hook, falling in love with a cat, relying on process, and, ultimately, refusing to live in the shadows. Plus, Alexandria Marzano-Lesnevich on the response to their book, THE FACT OF A BODY. Listen to full podcast here

WAMC Public Radio: Interview with Jonathan Santlofer

Jonathan Santlofer is a writer and artist. His debut novel, “The Death Artist,” was an international bestseller, translated into seventeen languages, and is currently in development for screen adaptation. His fourth novel, “Anatomy of Fear,” won the Nero Award for best novel of 2009. His short stories have appeared in numerous anthologies. He is also the creator and editor of several anthologies including “It Occurs to Me That I Am America,” a collection of original stories and art. His paintings and drawings are included in many public and private collections. WAMC Northeast Public Radio Interview by Joe Donahue Listen to full interview here

Signature Reads: The Language of Grief

I measure every Grief I meet With narrow, probing, eyes – I wonder if It weighs like Mine – Or has an Easier size.” Emily Dickinson, #561 The English word “grief” is derived from the Old French verb “grever,” which means “to burden.” Implicit in the word is the idea that it is a weight to be borne; as Dickinson alluded to in her poem, “I measure every grief I meet.” And yet the notion of a weightiness to grief does not cover the morass of emotions that accompany this profound sense of loss. While Elizabeth Kubler Ross stamped order onto grief by describing the five stages a person moved through on the way to what we now call “closure,” my experiences of grief have been anything but orderly. I remember moving through all five stages in the space of an hour, not in the order she delineated, and then repeating the process in a … Read more

NYCity Woman – Six Books to Read in August

  “The Widower’s Notebook by Jonathan Santlofer. How do men grieve? Santlofer, a noted crime writer, teacher and artist, answers with this intimate memoir written after the sudden death of his wife, Joy, after 40 years of marriage. He conjures her through exquisite drawings and an anguished but often humorous text that ranges from shock and disbelief to a growing closeness with his daughter and new adventures in dating.” NYCity Woman Roberta Hershenson Read more here